I feel like I really need to make some changes in my life. I was with the love of my life for the past 5 months. While I was with him I changed, I grew up, and I realised that I would have loved to settle down with him, we were absolutely perfect together.
Well he's a senior in high school, and still has some growing up to do. I guess we all should remember how tough it was, always being a little confused and never knowing what you want, I think we've all been there. So I can't really blame him for not knowing what he wants.
I may seem like I'm taking this very well, but that's not at all how it started. He broke up with me exactly one week ago, and when I got home I was a wreck. I started crying so I ended up having to tell my mom what happened. I thought it'd be weird to talk to her about my relationship troubles, but it actually felt really good to talk to her about Jon for a little bit. She then told me to take a long hot shower (which I did, and I basically sat in there crying most of the time). I always take longer showers when I'm really upset, mostly because it's really relaxing and warm, but also you can just cry without anyone walking in on you and you don't have puffy eyes and a runny nose when you're done. My mom also layed out a Sleepy Time tea bag, a mug, and a Benadril so that I could go to sleep easier. She also told me to pick a funny cartoon and to sleep in her big comfy bed with her and the dogs.
I haven't cried since last Thursday. I guess that Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City the movie was right when she said "I guess that you only have a certain amound of teers per man, and I've used all of mine up."
When it first happened, I felt like my world had just been shattered to a million pieces like fine china being thrown to the hard wood floor. My life has basically revolved around him for the past five months. I know it doesn't seem like a long time, but you would've had to see us together to understand how perfect we were for eachother. This was five months of true love, we would've gone the distance. I'd never felt so alone in my entire life.
The next day, I felt a kind of numbness. Sort of like when you're about to get into a car accident and you feel like everything's going in slow motion and for a while you don't feel anything... it's like you're outside of your body and you're looking down at yourself as this horrible thing is happening to you. I didn't know what I was supposed to do, I couldn't think of anything that would make me happy, I felt like I would never be happy again.
I still have some bad moments, it has only been a week. Part of me has a lot of faith that we're going to get back together someday. Another part of me is debating on weather that's the right thing for me or not. I mean afterall, how do you know what's really right for you? No one ever knows what the outcome of a relationship is going to be, which is why these heartbreaks happen. If the first second I saw Jon and knew something was different about him, but knew that he was going to shatter my life after becoming the love of my life, I never would have started talking to him. I never would have given him the chance to make me fall for him after two days. I wouldn't have said yes to him within a week of knowing eachother. I wouldn't have spent all my time with him, and he wouldn't have become one of the most important people in my life.
Like I said before, I really feel like I need to make changes in my life. I need some kind of transition. I've gone through the "My life is over," stage. Now I'm in that "I need to get out of the house and do new things," stage. The only problem is that I have no car, so I can't really go far. What do you do when your heart's been broken, and you're okay but you need something new in your life? I'd like to get to know more people, but I'm not ready to date again - I won't be for a long time. What has helped you ladies out there after being broken up with? I need CHANGES!
Thank you for reading,